Greetings to you in the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ


When I reached puberty, I was twelve years old. My dad decided to travel down memory lane to ponder on a very disturbing incident. The road trip was to recall the most eventful memory I do remember but very vaguely. The incident reminded him of a very scary incident that happened when I was three and a half years old. What he said was a very chilling experience. It was one weekday evening, my dad returned from work as usual. He carried me in his arms and placed me on his lap while he sat in that favorite place near the old coal stove. He usually chatted to my mum, as she made him a cup of tea. While he was catching up on the daily events and some fresh news, suddenly, my whole body was restless. He was alarmed by the sign of terror I displayed. Thereafter I latched onto his shirt tightly. The firm grip was resisting my eyes from looking up as my head was bent forward and ready for a tuck in position. My face reacted with full force to hide under his hollow arm. Instead, my tiny head felt a secure position on his strong shoulder, with my arms firmly gripped around his neck. This was a warning sign that something was wrong. My head rested on his strong shoulder. My eyes were tightly shut, as my scary, quivering voice I whispered, “big cow” there. My dad was a very intelligent man who reacted very quickly. A cow in the kitchen, how strange, he followed my eyes, but he couldn’t see anything weird. He said, only I was able to see this huge beast. My parents were very concerned and troubled. What I saw no one else could see it. My parents were very shocked, it sounded very creepy. I pointed to the corner of the kitchen and repeated the same sentence “there, daddy”. The terrifying incident scared my mum and dad for more than twenty minutes before the demon disappeared. Children can see and sense the presence of demonic spirits, or the inhuman apparition of evil spirits. THE EVIDENCE According to the Indian medical literature and Tantric Buddhist scriptures, most of the “seizers”, or those that threaten the lives of young children, appear in animal form: like a cow, lion, fox, monkey, horse, dog, pig, cat, crow, pheasant, owl, and snake. However, apart from these “nightmare shapes”, it is believed the impersonation or incarnation of animals could in some circumstances also be highly beneficial. (Buddhism according to Michel Strickmann) ( possession#Asiantraditions) THE BASEMENT I was four years old and the youngest child in my family. I had to stay at home with my mum in the early days. There were no nursery schools. One day midmorning while my mum was busy, I got my lucky break. I sneaked out of the house unnoticed. My favourite place was to sit under the old apple tree in the backyard. I always had a glimpse of this half door. from the distant. I was attracted to the door that was at the basement. This time my curiosity got the better of me, to know what was inside the basement. I found myself walking towards this door. The door was always locked but today someone forgot to lock the door. I went down a few stairs and pushed the unlatched door wide open. The squeaky door was held by two rusty hinges that made a loud noise. One small peep and, it was dark. As I took two steps through the doorway, I knew there was something eerie in the atmosphere. After I had entered this dark space, there was very little visibility to scan the area with my tiny eyes. A little ray of sunlight penetrated right through a small round dusty window that looked like a peephole from the outside. The front part of the house was built on solid ground, but the huge pillars supported the bad section on the building. The early engineers structured the back foundation of the house to rest on these four huge white pillars. What I captured in my memory is still remembered for many years. I closed the door and walked away towards an enormous sandy playground in front of the house.


At nightfall, something strange thing happened. My mum and I fell into a deep slumber when suddenly I felt a set of strong hands snatch me from my bed. When I opened my eyes, I looked at the person’s face. It was my mum. What is she doing, securing my little body in the odd hour of the night? She closely held me against her chest with her strong arms firmly wrapped around me. As her motherly instinct kicked in to protect her baby she headed straight toward the dark lounge. She had excellent night vision in the dark. As soon as my head rested on a small cushion she hurried off to the nearby table. Shuffling around in minimum visibility, she sighed a breath of relief after she lit an old paraffin lamp. through the little illumination it provided we were able to see the light.


It was more than twenty years later I remembered that scary night. My sleepy eyes were able to capture the terror on my mum’s face that terrifying night. The only reaction on her mind was fight or flight when she held onto me for dear life. I could hear my mum’s heart pounding faster and harder against her chest when she picked me up her eyes were focused on the window. Whatever it was that terrified her in the middle of the night came from that window. I clearly remember that night when I was picked up from my deep sleep. As soon as I opened my eyes, I looked at my mum’s face to understand why she picked me up from the bed. I only discovered what it was when I received Jesus into my life. He opened my darkened eyes to discover that truth. The terrifying demons I had to face as a child weren’t a pleasant one. These demons just did not rest and they made my adult life a living hell.


The “GHETTO ACT” in 1946 was designed to curtail Indian property ownership for White SOUTH AFRICANS IN DURBAN. My dad lost his father’s immovable lands, and houses after his dad passed on. He managed to secure a small Luxury home in an upmarket area we called home to a low-grade suburb. We moved from our wealthy lifestyle to a predominately Indian township (or dumpsite). The government softened the blow of the property restrictions when they provided low-budget houses for the Indian community. We lived in a semi-detached house and my grandmother was our next-door neighbor. One Friday afternoon my granny asked me to help her clean the prayer altar. I was very eager to help her clean the prayer place she had under a sacred slingerberry tree. The idol gods were three bricks marked with white ashes. I cleaned and decorated the altar with beautiful flowers from her garden. As I was about to leave, suddenly I experienced the presence of something in the atmosphere, hovering around me. I could sense there was a presence of something that was watching me. As a child you know it is something evil and scary, you have no idea what it is. The cool breeze on my neck moved slowly down my spine and I was experiencing a frightening feeling in the pit of my stomach. It left an unsettling feeling in my body. I quickly slipped my sandals on and fearfully rushed home. What I felt as an eight-year-old child was very strange. Thereafter I was living with fearful feeling, on the inside. I felt a strange, evil spirit following me home, that caused me to become numbed with fear. The strange feeling of something trying to take control of my body gave me cold chills. As a child, I couldn’t express or discuss this odd feeling that was causing a strange and unusual feeling in me. Sometimes I felt someone was staring back at me when I looked in the mirror. The fearful sensation caused me to live in fear. Wherever I went my gut feeling was conscious this was not a guardian angel. I sensed it was a very bad spirit or entity that followed me. According to the Hindu religion they believe that sometimes ancestors or other spiritual beings are awakened when rituals are offered to protect the living from harmful spirits. These spirits are like guides. This was not what my intuition was linked to or attuned to. My heart was receiving from a divine source. AN ATTRACTION OR INVITATION I absorbed so much of the information I heard about the spiritual realm. It looked like a real, tangible spirit a person chooses to be connected to the power from above. After I experienced a feeling of heaviness once. What does it feel like to be possessed by a “godlike” spirit? What kind of experience it is? The deities seem to have incredible power and energy that’s indestructible. The power that came forth from the deity she was worshiping, came from a spiritual being. The flip side was the thought of being possessed by this powerful force was frightening. My childlike mind didn’t understand the real impact of inviting godlike spirits. Once they have an open invitation to control and the possess the soul, and mind the spirit consumed alcohol, smoked weed, and cigarettes. I could always sense an intimidating non-living spirit around me because there was something mysterious and fearful. Suddenly there was an uneasy feeling of a very strange fearful pang in the pit of my stomach that I didn’t understand this at all. I couldn’t discuss what happened to me after that experience to anyone. The experience troubled me, and I could not go to that prayer altar again. Demon possession describes a variety of conditions, both physically and psychologically. The experience does give us believers the hope that Christ is a deliverer in the journey of life. They will become spiritually wise and have a clear idea of what spiritual understanding is, and how to deal with this life as a Christian. It is all about how we can overcome this bad experience with evil forces. Hinduism according to Wikipedia, speaks about Spirit possession. It is an unusual or altered state of consciousness, associated with behavior, purportedly caused by the control of a human body by spirits, ghosts demons, or demigods. The concept of spirit possession exists in many cultures and religions, including Buddhism, and Christianity. Haitian Vodou, Hinduism, Islam, Wicca, and Southeast Asian, African, and Native American traditions. Depending on the cultural context in which it is found, possession may be considered voluntary or involuntary and may be considered to have beneficial or detrimental effects on the host.


It was just one mid-Sunday morning when I was clipping some fresh flowers from our garden. As I held the flowers in my hands, I heard a soft gentle voice calling my name. I turned around and faced our tenant’s daughter, Mano. I thought of placing these flowers on your brother’s gravestone, I told her. I am lost for words she gently whispered, with tears in her eyes, she replied let’s go. She couldn’t believe this was happening. She lost her second eldest brother in a tragic car accident one Good Friday afternoon in 1974. He decided to cross the road at a wrong intersection, while intoxicated, and lost his life. He was twenty years old. The gravesite was away from the main bus route and roughly 4.5 kilometres away, times two return. It took roughly forty-five minutes to get to another suburb on foot. We walked for almost fifty-five in minutes in the scorching heat. We had no choice during difficult times the bus-fare was ridiculously priced. We had to adjust to what our parents could afford. You learn life’s lessons from humility at the beginning of your life’s journey. After we placed the flowers on the headstone, we started our journey slowly. Just before we headed towards the exit gate, I noticed there were a few new graves on my righthand side. In the Indian custom the belief system is very strong. A prayer to the Hindu gods/Deities was an important send off to release the deceased souls. There was a ritual before and after laying the body into the grave to rest. A coconut is broken and placed at either the foot or head side of the grave. My eyes were set on the lovely half-dried coconuts. The temptation to pick up a half-dried coconut was irresistible. After hesitating for a few seconds, I went to the headstone, picked up the half coconut, broke it into smaller pieces. We shared the fruit with Mano as we walked back home. It was a long journey back home and the heat weighed us down. It was so exhausting to walk in the intense heat without our water bottles that caused our bodies to dehydrate and thirst. I believed it was safe to take the coconut and eat them as Hindu believers, it was offered and blessed by the Hindu deities as our gods! We were unaware that we would have to face the consequences of our actions. During the night, Mano got up to see a strange shadow of a male figure in her bedroom staring at her. She was terrified and scared half to death as she began to panic, she screamed hysterically. The doors in the house were bolted shut and no one could enter. She was terrified and, shaking. Mano’s mother got up in a sudden shock frightened and terrified as everyone in the family were sound asleep. She tenderly comforted Mano. Sadly, she was always afraid to sleep at night after that incident.

LISTENING TO A FAMILIAR A few weeks later it was around 2 am something strange grabbed my attention. In my deep slumber I could feel something hard like a rock behind me. I always slept alone; my parents were asleep in the main bedroom. No-one-else was in the house. The coldness behind me felt like a big block of ice. My back was ice cold, and I couldn’t turn around to see what it was. I couldn’t move my head or turn to the other side to wake up. I was stiff and paralyzed, so I immediately realized what this thing was. Whatever it was, I was in fear of something that was not human. I heard a man’s voice audible voice speaking from behind me. What I was experiencing was weird. Thereafter I heard a voice that felt icy cold on my neck. I knew this wasn’t human. This was something strange that followed me home from the gravesite. I believe this demon had entered our home because I disturbed the dead spirit in the grave, it followed me home. When the demon was leaving my room, I saw the deceased man. He was Mano’s dead brother. During this experience, I believed in God, but in the Hindu faith. My siblings and I followed my mum’s religion. She followed her mother’s religion, and my dad was a Roman Catholic. My parents never exposed us to any of these gods in the Hindu religion. My mum lit her lamp and prayed she never did any sacrificial prayers or dedicated her life to any deity. Is it true someone can be attacked by an evil spirit? Mano and I unknowingly opened the wrong door, and we were attacked by a familiar spirit. We did not realize that this was an open invitation for demonic spirits to enter our home. What is a familiar spirit? A familiar spirit is actually; a demon who impersonates loved ones who are deceased. They imitate voices and appear to be departed loved ones. During these encounters you don’t have an intercessor to fight on your behalf. You stand alone during your spiritual battles. I was fifteen years old when I encountered this lying spirit. Biblically acknowledging that deceased loved ones are buried but their demons don’t die. These ancestral demons possess their living loved ones. This familiar spirit will try to minister to you to deceive you. Listening to a familiar is listening to a demonic spirit. It is not a Holy Spirit. Leviticus chapter 19 and verse 31 says, “Do not turn to mediums or necromancers; do not seek them out, and so make yourselves unclean by them: I am the LORD your God. Deliverance from a familiar spirit”. I experienced severe demonic attacks, frequently during my teens. I often believed that I was born cursed, my later experiences gave me reason to believe this. The fatal shooting of my son-in law in 2005. The ectopic death of my granddaughter. The break-in, that almost cost our lives. The fatal stray bullet that killed my husband. The kidnapping of my daughter by my ex-son-in-law. The tokoloshes assigned by my second son-in-law to kill me after he tried to murder my daughter. The tokoloshes sent to torment me by a pedophiles. Married to an abusive cheating spouse. I discovered infidelity in my marriage after his death. The depression and anxiety that plagued my life after all this. How did I survive after all of this? My life was stressful, tiring, and sad. I will cry in fear, too afraid to fall asleep. There were terrifying powers of darkness on an assignment to traumatize me.

PART 2 GENERATIONAL CURSES LOST SOULS The Titanic on her maiden voyage was a tragedy in 1912. The vessel struck an iceberg and sank beneath the icy cold waters in the North Atlantic Sea. As I sadly watched approximately one thousand five hundred passengers perished. I thought seriously about this one question. How many of those passengers aboard the Titanic saved believers in Christ? Saved believers are God-fearing, conscious, Bible-believing saints in Christ who will never sin against a Holy God. It seems not every Christian will honor a holy God when the fear of Him has faded. The inmates of one prison in South Carolina testified on how God met their request through a local Pastor. This story was overwhelming. During the live broadcast, the prisoners cried out to God to send a Pastor to the prison to baptize them. The servant of God acted on that prayer and surprised the prisoners. When he pitched up, he brought a bathtub, filled it with water, and baptized them on the prison ground. If prisoners who are sinners, desire to repent of their sins, and love God, He will never forsake them. God heard and provided a miracle for them. The prisoners cried out to God and worshipped Him after the baptism. The generational curse in the present generation was cut off the bloodline curse when the prisoners repented. The sins of the father shall not affect the next generation.

THE MAN WHO CAPTURED MY HEART MY SOUL MATE: When you place your trust in God to send you the right soul mate, He does something amazing. He sends someone screened, tested, and approved by His Holy Spirit to be your soul mate for life. The guy will accept you for who you are, and you will do the same thing love him for who he is. The day I was attracted to a young man who walked into the office changed my life forever. His appearance was undoubtedly eye-catching. I had to look twice as he stood in the centre of the huge office floor. It was just one glimpse, and I was astonished. I found myself staring at his face. While he was touring the office, my eyes were capturing the special features on his face. In that moment everything around me just stood still. It was indeed a very special moment that left me speechless. I didn’t expect to be caught off guard and become attracted to someone through just one glance. It was strange of me, but that attraction was irresistible. He was very handsome. A few weeks later, he approached me very gently to confirm a few unexplained issues. During the conversation, I could feel my heart pounding harder against my chest. When we dealt with the issue, he was less concerned. I noticed we had a few similarities, to me this was strange. Somehow, I felt connected to him although we just met, it seemed I had known him for decades. It was a very strange behaviour coming from someone like me I must say. I just met the guy, and I was secretly falling in love with him. He was unique, I must say, passionate about God and easy to connect to. This guy really shifted my focus. During our conversation I felt different about him when he spoke, it was words filled with wisdom that uplifted my spirit. He was truly unlike anyone I had ever met. He was truly an altruistic, kind-hearted gentleman to be around. In my opinion, he was a God-fearing man, with an excellent personality. Unfortunately, he didn’t show any interest in me, as I was in him, and that really disappointed me. He listened and communicated in a very professional manner. I gathered he made a conscious attempt to approach me very respectfully and cautiously one afternoon. He had a gentle touch attached to him. Although we had similar interests, there was still one thing that set him apart from the rest of the guys I met. He was intelligent, and pleasant, with an outstanding character. He had an excellent sense of humor, and I did notice he was an authentic young man. Gradually he communicated and moved towards building a closer relationship. The heartwarming smile was inviting and brightened my dull world. He did change my life into a fairy tale, later he became my husband. He lit my dark world and gave me hope to live in a joyful spirit. He gave me his heart which was the best gift I ever possessed.

IN THE SAME FAITH. My husband and I were both born and raised in Hindu families. There was a difference between what we worshipped in our religion, but I had to adjust to the demands of his mum. We believed committing our marriage to God first, was our priority for a blessed and trusted marriage. Hinduism was the only religion we were exposed to, from birth. I wasn’t exposed to the dark practices of Hinduism like his mum was. Our unbreakable bond was more based on cultural orientation. We were married two years later a traditional Hindu ceremony. didn’t foresee any problems when we tied the knot. I believed God blessed me to be with the man I truly loved and longed to be with. It is expected that two mature adults will grow stronger because the desire is to love one another truthfully.

A WANDERING EYE IN OUR MARRIAGE We were married for almost two months, and I noticed my husband’s sweet affection for another young woman. This was the beginning of our marriage, and I didn’t expect to be dealing with an unfaithful spouse. A wandering eye this must be a mistake I assumed. She was related to the family. Sadly, he never stopped lusting after other women. The seed of a lustful thought was sown very early in our relationship, and this opened the door to a generational curse, years later in our marriage.

DEVOTED TO DANGEROUS SPIRITS My husband’s mum played her role as a devoted mum and dad to her eight children after the death of her husband. She valued her religion. The spiritual journey she embarked on as a devotee was important to her. She was taught to believe the divine has a transcendental form (Avadharims). As a Hindu that was the way she connected to all her ancestral gods. The nature of the Divine beings had supra power passed down from the teachings obtained through ancestral beliefs. The spiritual truths presented through the Holy Vedas were to inspire devotion on certain auspicious days dedicated to the Divine (deities). The emphasis was to honor the sacred practices. Although the religion demanded strict commitments to rituals and customs. The consecrated images were made from stone and brass cravings. She was taught that the gods had human forms at one time to destroy evil. The tradition was to observe and acknowledge that truth in her children’s generation. The most important part was the acquired knowledge she gained in the religion that legacy she wanted to be passed down to the next generation. I gathered her heart was centered on teaching us this belief system. Our devotion and reverence to the god/gods were influenced by the consciousness of their existence in a sensitive way. I understood where she was coming from all the knowledge instilled in her was what she believed in. She was taught to worship her religion in fear, with a set of rules that got her attention to delve deeper into the faith. I was afraid to consciously accept something I knew nothing about. I was desperately trying not to attach myself to any of these gods that were honored and worshipped to me it was scary. She lived a very holy life according to her parents and in-law’s belief system that came from their ancestral roots. She was taught to value everything as a god in her religion. She did what she believed in, through faith. She placed great emphasis on what she believed to be sacred. Indirectly, she was teaching me to observe the religion in a specific way. I followed the instructions promptly and with utmost respect. My submission to the way she prayed to God, made me a vulnerable target to some horrific images that saturated my mind. I was very fearful earlier in my childhood due to the experience I had. My parents never exposed us to any dangerous practices. Furthermore, I didn’t understand why I had to do what I was instructed without any knowledge. I believed tapping into something I did not understand was placing my life in grave danger. Anything that belongs to a dangerous category should be left alone. Attempting any unfamiliar practices can place you under a very serious demonic attack. Like what I experienced after participating in some deadly rituals. It taught me a very valuable lesson about demonic power in this journey. I experienced some bad nightmares. The dreams were so gruesome and horrific that I cannot explain how they traumatized my mind with fear and my thoughts were badly affected. The dream that haunted me the most was a human sacrifice; I was at my wit’s end. It was repeated like on a replay video, night after night. This resulted in me suffering from severe panic attacks. The truth is I didn’t want to deal with fulfilling my mother-in-law’s traditional legacy that gave me nightmares. The Guadian and the India Times cover some of the most horrifying articles ever that confirm my life experiences.

WHEN YOUR ATTACKER IS NOT HUMAN One summer night, while I was asleep, I suddenly got up after I felt my mattress pressed downwards by some kind of heavyweight. My husband was a skinny guy. I couldn’t turn my head to see who was lying down between my husband and me. In a state of paralysis, I was aware of everything that was happening around me, but I couldn’t move an inch or do anything to prevent the attacker from pursuing his mission. This evil thing whatever it was, was packed with so much energy to keep me suppressed while it tormented me. I wanted to scream but I couldn’t. As a non-Christian, I prayed calling out to every deity I knew by name nothing happened. My heart was racing and the fear that gripped me was a horrible feeling. These were the gods my mother-in-law worshipped. “I begged them to protect me from this evil thing” I had no idea what it was that was tormenting me. I knew this was an evil entity that caused me to be restless and fearful. The energetic demon became more violent every time I tried to pray in the Hindu religion. The incident continued for fifteen unending minutes, but it felt like an hour. In my mind, I remember calling out to every Hindu deity in faith to intervene and remove this evil thing. It seems this demon was fed some kind of narcotics. It successfully held me under a strong spell with my eyes sealed shut, I could not move a muscle at all. During the demonic attack, I felt stiff as a corpse. I couldn’t free myself from this paralyzing grip I was held under. I wasn’t strongly empowered as a Hindu believer to fight this demon. It seemed I was the only one who experienced this demonic attack in the family. Eventually, when I did manage to open my eyes, this demon was gone. The next night this demon made its appearance known I couldn’t do anything as the dwarf size man hopped on my bed. The next few nights of torture turned into 6 months only after I entered my in-laws’ home. I had several encounters with this demon. I discovered these strange demonic spirits were around 85 cm tall. I was emotionally and physically traumatized by these repeated attacks during the night that caused my sleep paralysis and bad dreams. They were on an assignment to scare me half to death. I felt them drawing me into a very creepy place where my horrible nightmares began. They continuously operated through the whole night by interrupting sleep patterns and making themselves known. This meddlesome dwarf suppressed and drew most of my energy. The attacks went on for months. Demons often take revenge on a victim at night when they are under the power of drowsiness to keep them well-rested. Demons love to attack you while you are sound asleep.

A TRUE MAN OF FAITH After an Evangelical meeting one afternoon my brother (Ronnie) visited our home. He was in the area praying for a new family who accepted Jesus. I knew he was involved in the ministry; I had no idea it was Evangelism. He broke the silence when he stepped into our home with his radiant smile and an authentic expression. I still remember him to this day as though it was yesterday. I did capture his kind heart and loving smile. He had a lovely personality after he adapted to God’s holy character. He reflected the love of his heavenly Father very well. The blessing he left behind with my husband and me was awesome before he could depart, he prayed for us. While he was praying, he connected to the Spirit of God, and he sensed the presence of something evil in our house. The prayer was shifting something in the spiritual realm. After praying, in the name of Jesus, I believe the power of God’s authority filled the atmosphere and there was change that was taking place. In the name of Jesus, my husband restored a calmer peaceful personality usually he was always complaining after his mother coached him on disciplining me when I disagreed to participate in any of her prayers. I could feel there was a transformation, the prayer broke the demonic activity that was present in our home. When my brother prayed a spiritual foundation was laid out for me to continue in prayer. He opened a doorway to help the presence of God to strengthen the spiritual foundation of the home. There was no demonic presence and I slept peacefully for a few weeks. I couldn’t believe what happened. After a few weeks, everything changed, I had the same experience all over again. I was highly encouraged to contact my brother for advice because I saw a change that changed my perspective of who God was. The demonic dwarfs were back this time there were three different sizes of them. I was told by an older lady they tokoloshes. The demons would take turns to step in and out of our home and this demonic attack kept me awake the whole night. My ungodly encounters became my worst nightmare. The prayer team had the gift of spiritual discernment and drove out the evil spirits. They were encouraged to pray in the heavenly language (tongues) to set the oppressed free. The members of my brother’s church were engaged weekly in active spiritual combat. It is only God, who sends his disciples fully equipped with spiritually powerful weapons to drive out evil spirits. What I noticed was evil people can pretend to be good but good people cannot pretend to be evil. Some people can attack you who are downright evil. A few months later I suffered from extreme fatigue and stress. My brother called me for some feedback on my progress. The severe attacks were every night and it so happened he was determined to win this battle with me. He immediately came home to pray once again; and broke the powers of darkness that was hovering in our bedroom. He prayed in the blood of Jesus. During the prayer, the anointing uplifted the heaviness in my chest. I was released from the weight that caused that pressure and stress in my body. As I related the deadly, threats made against me, by the demons, my brother was really, shocked. My encounter with demonic spirits was a nightmare every single day. The next day he came home and gave me a surprise. The most precious gift I ever received from him was my own Bible. I started with the book of Psalms. As I read the book it sounded very foreign to me, I had to read it and understand the deeper meaning of this beautiful treasure. When I slept the Bible was left open on my headboard. During the night the meddlesome dwarfs were very active. My sleepless nights turned into a year. When I learned how to use one very powerful weapon something amazing happened.

THE PRAYER WEAPON Most victims who are attacked by a Tokoloshe live in absolute fear because the Tokoloshe has the power to cause sickness and even death. I had to face the tokoloshe’s fierce attacks. The midget bothered me for months until one night, I remember I was attacked in my sleep. In my drowsiness, I saw a short man pressing me down. I knew this was a demon, I battled to say, “the blood of Jesus”. The words came out in a screechy voice. The next moment I witnessed the power of God was something I never experienced before in my life. The pesty little demonic man fell on the floor and walked on his knees towards the door. As I opened my eyes, I could clearly see an angel of the Lord standing outside my bedroom door. He had a long white robe, a golden-brown color, beard, and long hair that rested on his shoulders. He was commanding the demon to come to Him. The next moment this evil demon walked on its knees towards the door and disappeared. I was shocked to witness the power of Jesus before my own eyes. The tokoloshe obeyed the command of an angel of God. This was the power I believe Satan is afraid of. God knows that He has the authority to destroy him. As a new convert to Christ, the spiritual battles became more intense. I had to dry fast and pray to receive a miracle. The important tools I used when I commanded the demons to be gone during my spiritual battles were effective after fasting. I must thank my brother who showed me the light of Jesus and directed me to a true Saviour, where I experienced His miracles, unconditional love, and peace. His brotherly love described the true essence of Christianity. The blessed life in Christ is to know there is a God who is loving and willing to save me from my spiritual bondages and attacks. He rescued me from becoming a victim of demonic spirits. I opened my eyes to see my brother living a dedicated Christian life. He was committed to Jesus Who is “The Divine deliverer of our souls”. I told my husband the good news because I felt my spirit free and uplifted. The joy and peace within me were indescribable. Comforting and free I was released from this heavy burden inside. My husband never rejected my decision when I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Saviour. He respected the choice I made, but his mother wasn’t happy about my choice. She rejected and cursed me planting another seed that led to a generational curse later that took the lives of two members of my family. When Jesus rescued me from the demonic attacker, I was faced with more trials and tribulations that almost destroyed me. I understood that my attacker wasn’t human. This demon inflicted and tormented me beyond what I could handle. I realized that I was held captive by foreign spirits sent to destroy my mind. The dreams that traumatized me were children being sacrificed, and body parts hanging everywhere. Strange demons chasing me. Someone trying to shoot me and a man running after me to kill you. These sickening dreams played out repeatedly in my dreams, but I never gave up.

A CHANGE OF HEART Jesus said a man’s enemy is of his own household, our spiritual attacks could come from our own family members we don’t expect them to attack us. My spouse and I had a spiritual agreement. It was clear I didn’t want to have any spiritual communication with dead relatives. I decided not to follow his ancestral god’s way of worship. My husband was up to his old self I never saw coming. The anger issues and his fists were full of fury. He beat me whenever he wanted power over me. After spilling all the nasty remarks that were bottled in him, he picks on the smallest thing to make an excuse to victimize me. He changed into someone I never recognized. I never expected to meet his hidden inner, evil twin, who was an aggressive demon. I thought he didn’t mind me attending church I guess I was wrong. The new identity I discovered really haunted me. “Who did I marry”. The stress and worry just drained my energy. All the emotional distress lasted for years, I had to deal with it head-on. The silent treatment was his torturing way of getting back at me. His actions and behaviours were uncalled for and seriously disturbing. I didn’t understand what was going on in his mind. He had more than three personality changes in one day. I respected him and still loved him after being beaten up physically I cannot ever change who I was created to be. I thought I found “the perfect” man of my dreams. The physical punishment was so unbearable he made me suffer without any remorse. I saw a cold-hearted man who had no love for me within one I was living with a stranger. He hurt me so badly emotionally that I had to live in fear of his demons who screamed out just too often. I had to compromise, give my consent, and had to comply with every demand he made. Every little incident was exaggerated, and I became fearful of his new identity I didn’t know existed before I married him.



Were you ever defeated by the enemy, and you saw God through your pain and suffering? I often wonder why some challenges were so difficult to conquer, that God would allow you to go through so much pain and suffering. The creepy feeling of it slowly destroying your life that just happens right in presence and you are helpless. Jesus once said, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me, here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33. We know Jesus hates sin. When the unrepentant sinner has a heart like that of a non-believer, it is worrying. You are in an intense battle where you see the manipulation and you are not equipped for such a difficult battle because the evil minded one still wants to control the other person’s mind. People who have an unforgiving spirit can have a personality disorder. You can see them living under personalities disorders, like anger issues. Sometimes you deal with people who have this get even mentality. A person’s evil characteristic is a lack of remorse or empathy for the other. If there’s a dominating spouse, there will always be a need for power and control. The tendency to manipulate and deceive is to cause the other person to live under fear and control. This should not be the character trait of a Christian’s heart or mind. When I had marital problems, early in my marriage, I had difficult problem to conceive and two failed pregnancies. I contacted my brother who insisted I should attend a prayer meeting service with him. The Pastor and his wife prayed over me, my daughter was born, and she was healthy. She was a full-term baby. When my baby was a week old my husband went to a Hindu priest with his mum to name her. I felt he disrespected me and the God I worshipped. He had a bad temper. that kept me from defending myself. They crossed the boundary line to this time, and I had to pay for that consequence. I had to pray to Hindu gods and accept what they were observing, during worship rituals once again. In my human attempt, I failed to receive my complete deliverance because of the hindering demonic spirits they worshipped. The act of consulting someone apart from my belief caused me to drift away from Christ’s presence. You see I was under two belief systems, the God I loved and the other I dreaded. I didn’t want my children to be involved and to live a confused life. I secretly prayed to Jesus, while my husband stood by his mother and rejected my choice to worship Christ. She was negative about everything and hindered my spiritual life. She knew I had battles with demonic spirits’ and only the power of Jesus can destroy any demonic spirit. His mother possessed a spirit of vengeance. It seemed I was often the target for any minor issue, for example if I cooked, she will, complain the food has no favour. She was cold hearted and absolutely mean she never showed love towards me or my children, I also worked to support the family as well. She sometimes misunderstood her title as a mother. In the process she thought she felt satisfied treating me like a piece of dirt. I still showed her love and cared for her like a daughter would. You see I prayed and covered myself under the blood of Jesus. There-fore no matter how much she disliked me I wasn’t intimidated. As a mother-in-law, she always failed to forgive others, sadly she never treated me as her daughter-in-law. I lived like an outcaste. She did have some bad demonic influence over her son and his other sibling. I was disobedient to her because I refused to carry her legacy and promote her traditional beliefs. You see religion should not be forced onto some-one; it must be their own choice.


When your spouse deceives you and fails to acknowledge it, you pay for the consequence because it is linked to your spouse (as a wrong soul tie). Dragging you the unwilling spouse into a mess and making demands that you follow them is an unjustified act to God. When actually it is a sin to do this to someone forcefully. You become an accomplice. When I prayed but never believed in the wrong source. I had to be taught and groomed to be obedient and worship all their gods. The influence by my in-laws opened all the door leading to their ancestors for their children, and all generations to follow. The children will suffer the consequences of all the curses. The pressure to worship these deities fell heavily on my shoulders. The animal sacrifices, food, weed, and alcohol were placed at the altar, for the deities. Complete dedication and devotion must be observed annually. All the rituals and worship must be followed by every generation. The new generation must learn how to practice all the ancient belief systems. I diverted from the righteous path once when I did not listen to God’s heavenly voice, I faced my worst nightmares. I was breaking my back trying to please my husband and his mother and I was still ridiculed. I could not be trapped in a relationship if there were people who continued to take advantage of me, I chose to have peace over hatred. I read this sermon by David Platt: He wrote: Idols enable sin to exercise control over our lives and enslave us in chains of bondage. There is no greater spiritual disease of the human heart than idolatry, and its death toll is infinitely larger than any cancer, and black plague. Isaiah 24:5 states that the entire earth has been polluted by idolatry and a curse has devoured the world. Every problem that has ever plagued humans can be traced back to the sin of idolatry and every discouragement we are dealing with. (Copyright David Platt. Used by permission. (Website) (radical net) (goodness of God ministries the principal crime of the human race part 1)


Do you believe that you have tried to do the right thing but then you are worse off when you started? You remember the feeling of being rejected and abandoned after compromising with everything and you had no answers to your prayers. You believe that when you did walk through a horrible situation you felt that you were grasping at straws? The hunger for God’s deliverance in every person’s heart is to end suffering during the storms that leave you, troubled and empty your entire life. In my toughest moments, I was trying to find a way to succeed. Just to get a touch from God was what I longed for. When you think that the storm in life is calming down there will be another mighty one on its way. When Jesus calmed the storm, He commanded it to “stop”. It is a frightening experience after trying everything within your power to choose what works best during the storm. When you are tired of trying to do what you believe is the right thing, the choice you made is offending the other members of the family. You reach a dead-end road where you are now stuck. What do you do? During a prayer festival, I tried to find my deliverance. I saw a short lady exercising her faith so mightily, she demonstrated the horsepower she had. She was pulling this huge chariot so powerfully it was like a dwarf carrying weights three times heavier than herself. One look at her gave me the feeling she had the power and the strength of an ox. The lady had her body all pierced symbolizing there was a deity living in her body she was displaying the possession of a powerful deity during her performance. My husband was a strong Hindu devotee more than thirty-two years. He so confidently believed that she was the one who will be able to help me get my breakthrough and freedom from evil forces. When I went to see her one week later. After telling her my purpose for visiting her. She stood afar away from me, looked at my face and backed further away. I could tell she was scared and speechless for a few seconds. She blurted out aloud, “you have something very bad around you, I cannot help you, you must find someone else”. Eeessh! When you are experiencing the bad effects of one ridiculous compromise you made, God’s helps to you to see the truth. Someone who claims to be (like) a “God” who possesses his supernatural power is terrified of what’s around me. If this thing is stronger than what she has, I’m not going to be doomed. She fooled herself and others claiming to possess a deity. I turned away and felt empty and disappointed. I was trying to gain freedom from what others believed to be “god” I should worship. The devotee assumed she had a “god” but it turned out to be a weakness of fear in her. This feedback didn’t convince my in-laws.


This is what I gathered from my experience most parents often don’t realize that they were indoctrinated (or taught), by practically being brainwashed. When parents act through blindness they are dominated by demonic influences. Where it gets ugly is through their parent’s and ancestors’ insistence. They listen to demonic voices believing it’s the voice of God. The example of familiar spirits always eager to have a conversation is not unusual. Although I had some terrifying dreams that made their lives threatening. Parents want to pass their ancestral beliefs onto their offsprings. The method of worship from their ancestors is carried on to the next generation where it involves religious deity worship.


In my desperate search, my husband found a spiritualist to help us get rid of the tokoloshes we were terrified of. My husband was introduced to an employee at work, whose mother is a Hindu spiritualist. I had my doubts, but I needed to prove that humans cannot possess power like the Divine who is Christ. His family members, who had so much faith in believing humans have the power as, gods. They believe humans too can perform miracles like Jesus did. The human soul is connected to some kind of spiritual power that can get rid of demons. The lady who claimed to have so many deities operating through her as a Hindu Astrologer. The information in images is received from the spirit world when she is under a trance. The lady tried to secure an interpreter to receive the messages and translate in English unfortunately she wasn’t available. I needed this cession to be over because the demonic spirits created havoc in my life. I do understand the Indian language, but not as an interpreter. I was alone with the spiritualist, and she proceeded without an interpreter, just the two of us. When she slipped into a trance-like- state, I could not understand the Tamil words she spoke. I was struck and the possessed woman slowly tried to calmly repeat the same words several times. After several attempts, I think ten minutes lapsed, she tried once again to express what was coming across. So, she was gradually getting irritated and upset I could see the expression on her unhappy face. It was then she gave up trying to explain the ritual in the Tamil language, she blurted out one English word. Shocked and in unbelief she became dead silent and looked at my face. To my surprise her reaction was normal, just like an unpossessed woman. She was in shock because she almost got caught because she was about to complete the task in English. When she suddenly realized she was supposed to be under the power of a deity. All her communications were done in the Tamil language, angered but she was desperate to get over the task after the mishap. Think about how far was she willing to go to convince others that she has a “deity spirit” or a godlike spirit living in her? The Hindus devotees believe a trance is an abnormal state of wakefulness in which a person claims to be unaware of one’s normal state of mind during the possessed phase. The person is unresponsive to any external reaction. According to the definition of a trance: “It is a thing in Hinduism that God chose certain people as their children and bestow them with special powers like a trance.


Martin Luther once said, “When our Lord and Master Jesus Christ said “Repent”, He meant that the whole life of a believer should be repented”. Christ calls us, not to a prayer of repentance, but to a life of repentance, a life of turning ever more fully to Jesus Christ. Living a life of repentance is the right thing to do. Christians don’t live in misery, or in defeat but in the power of the Holy Spirit.


I could truly say finding Jesus during the worst storm in my life drove me to realize there is a God without limit. During my failure, I searched in the wrong places to find God. I tried to find was my personal awareness I ty to a place of reality. After returning to idol worship for over three years I found myself emotionally destroyed and mentally paralyzed. I felt my 30-year-old body was shutting down and I was dying. I lost every battle because I was in the wrong faith. The spirit of witchcraft was affecting me so badly I couldn’t get a breakthrough. I had sleepless nights, and I was so weak I could not live a productive life anymore. The deep sleeping pattern and the drowsiness were not normal. During this vulnerable time, I couldn’t handle the stress I was under. I prayed to Jesus the Savior and asked Him a very simple question. Please Lord Jesus, tell me which is the right way. During the night I had a dream of a little boy who delivered the truth in my dream to direct me to live a truthful life. The child said, “Turn to Christ that is the true way”. It was during this time I decided to go back to Jesus Christ to worship Him in Spirit and truth. Thirty-two years and I never looked back. When you are going through a difficult storm in your life you need God’s intervention, His unmerited favour. I searched in the wrong places to find the truth in my faith. There were no answers, I felt I was spiritually dying with no hope until the Lord my deliverer rescued me from my spiritual battles. What the enemy meant for evil God used for good. When God took control of my life, He changed my life for His best interest at heart. His peace and Grace covered me. The bible illustrates God is sovereign over every evil. God transformed my life from a curse to His blessings through the awesome power of the Holy Spirit. Amen Although it is rarely understood we may be stalked by anxiety during a bad storm in life but why the pain and suffering. When everything we do comes from the heart of God. When He is in control no matter how bad the situation might be He is there to protect us from every evil attack. Some modern-day influences have hindered and broken many healthy family relationships. The cause could be dormant character traits passed from parents to children. The apple does not fall far from the tree. Children follow all the wrong behaviour patterns from their parents influence over a long period of time, such as addictions, foul languages, bulling, manipulation, verbal conflicts, and misjudged opinions are all strongholds that are transferred over-controlling parents to off-spring. If the one family member lives a fallen life the children learn the parents’ attitudes. This is spiritual separation from God Romans 6:23 confirms this. When the host is attached to weak souls where character attaches itself to unrighteous behavior, souls perish. In healthy family relationships, you can witness toxic family breakups. The toxic heart is always in battle with the Spirit of truth. Sometimes no matter how strong you think your loved ones are, all it takes is just one family member to break the bond you took a lifetime to build.


Most Christians are covered under the blood of Jesus and trust they are protected from all ancestral curses after deliverance. The subtle plot of an evil-spirited woman. It is an important point that takes me back to the year 2005. The wicked mind played a deadly trick on those who didn’t suspect bad intentions. The incident took place when we were in India on holiday. We visited my husband’s grandparents. We were returning from our four-day journey, traveling from Kakinada to Chennai. There are no freeways or highways to get to the rural areas. After traveling in the intense heat during summer the hot weather conditions were a terrible experience. We had to use roads with huge potholes, no freeways only country roads with massive herds of cows and buffalos crossing in between the vehicles and on the side of the road, slows down the traffic flow, the reduced speed to 40 km per hour. Your one-hour journey will take you approximately three and a half hours in India it is unlike our roads in South Africa. We were at the ATM trying to draw cash. There were several errors on three failed attempts to withdraw cash. The transaction could not be processed, my husband thought he entered the incorrect PIN. As he tried again to figure out if he pressed the correct PIN number. I stood next to him waiting. The ATM was slow to process the transaction, we had to wait for twenty minutes trying to access the funds for the ATM to clear and reprocess. A lady comes in front of the ATM begging us for money. I honestly did not have any change or cash to bless her with, I was trying to tell her we did not have change, but she refused to move from her distracting point. After insisting for the third time to give her cash I did not have she cursed us. I passed it off knowing it came from an ungodly source. I thought okay now why did she say that? I felt a little emotionally disturbed, but after a short while I settled my disrupted spirit and brushed it off as I usually do. I believe Jesus became a curse for us when He hung on the cross (Galatians 3:14). The Word of God says, to erase the curses from your mind, emotionally it is disturbing. If someone curses you, bless them. If I had to even the score and curse her, I would be in danger of facing the fire of hell, no curse will bring me down. The Word of God says we are redeemed Ephesians 4:27. Indians in India carry the ancestral sin of habitually cursing people in every generation. They are never content with what receive from you. Furthermore, they will force you until they get what they want most money. They have this wicked mentality of throwing curses around those who are prosperous. They will follow you and insist you must give them money. After they receive it; they will still place a curse on the person, intentionally!

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY STORMS IN THE SAME PLACE? After we returned home, I prayed over every member of the family covering them under the blood of Jesus. Sadly, two weeks later my son-in-law was shot at work. There were no words to explain the inner pangs of a mother. What happens when someone curses you, can the words of the unsaved bring destruction into the lives of the protected believers? What is happening, the lady who cursed, was her curse actively working in the lives of my family. A man in a million was gunned down, he was the father of a one-year-old. The god-fearing man of integrity, of good character, and only one in a million was taken away. The day he died my world was shattered, I treated him as my own child. He was covered under the precious blood of Jesus when he died.

THE STRENGTH OF A GRIEVING WIDOW A prophetic premonition: When my daughter was sixteen years old, it was home time as usual, once again I had a problem. Like most mums, children hated homework. She refused to complete the work she had started. As a mother, I often encouraged her on the important aspects of studying. I think my emphasis on studying and making it a priority angered her. As she headed towards the staircase and started ascending the stairs moaning, I heard a prophetic premonition. She will have to support her child alone one day. This voice was very clear. My daughter just turned twenty-three, and four months later she lost her husband, in 2005. The sudden tragedy sent shock waves to every employee in the company. We are still reeling from our loss, which I know we will never get over. He was precious to our family because he is the father to my grandson and a husband to my daughter. Seriously we are living with a bunch of psychotic people who will stop at nothing to inflict unbearable pain and trauma on the lives of others. Eighteen years later, the scars left behind are reminders of cruel and evil-minded people who are selfish. My daughter was left traumatized and bleeding inside, her silent cries were tears of agony and pain no one could understand. She showed her strong inner power and never revealed her inner pain and anger. The thought of her processing her grief all on her own tore me apart. I was helpless and I didn’t know how to comfort her. I longed to hold her up in my gentle arms to assure her I was there. My undying love couldn’t fill that emptiness she suffered. In my pain and emotional state, I felt there was no God. Why would a good God bring us so much of pain when we love Him so much? We were living in a dark world, and I couldn’t see a beam of light in this journey of life that felt like hell on earth. We were facing a hopeless situation and there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Our dreams and relationships were broken and filled with emptiness. Something in her drove her to embrace her proactive nature and her will to act was to become stronger and determined to quickly transform her life. The wisdom of God transcended her understanding to become stronger and braver on the inside. She had to transform her mind to tackle the battles as a survivor. She had to accept her new reality while her one-year-old son didn’t understand his dad was gone. As a young widow, she had to empower herself to process her thoughts and loss. Accepting her new journey of self-discovery as she boldly had to conquer her obstacles one by one. Another the failed marriage twelve years later to a psychotic, bipolar, schizophrenic and lunatic was unbelievable. He lived under the pretense of a character that never matched his profile. The attempts he made to kill my daughter was horrible. After he had his friends abduct and kidnap her from our home was a movie drama. The grace of God was in her favor. It was only God who saved her from three murderers who were paid to execute her in the remote, dense forestry, north-east of Empangeni. He also attempted to kill my grandson and I in our home. He stole all the spare and original keys to our front doors and our bedrooms. I had sleepless nights keeping guard while we slept. We later heard how He strategically used the same plan on his ex-wife and son. He kidnapped his son and wife and threatened to kill them both too. Is my definition of this sick man incorrect? Was this the Devine plan of God to cause us to suffer? Or is God still our steadfast anchor? Can we still seek courage from a Higher Power? Is there still hope for divine transformation when everything we acquire is stolen from our hands?

PART 3 THE WORST STORM OF ALL The sermon series on faith was ministered by our pastor Brent in church on one Sunday morning service. In his closing prayer, he boldly suggested parents should pray that God will send our sons and daughters their right future spouses. One important biblical principle in the struggle should be to build strong family relationships, in Christ. During the intercession prayer, I had a beautiful vision of my son. He was wearing his black suit and, he was carrying a beautiful baby girl in his arms. As he gave a glimpse of the beautiful little angel, dressed in all white, I was astonished. She wore a white headband around her head. Attached to the headband on the left-hand side was a small white rose. I was shocked to have a spiritual vision during the prayer service in the church. This was the first experience to have a future event play out in my life. A spiritual vision from God what an amazing feeling of God showing you a heavenly dedication of our baby. God was sending me a confirmation, message. After five months my son met a very beautiful person, and he married her. When my daughter-in-law gave us the wonderful news, we were having our first granddaughter. I was overjoyed, I just couldn’t express my inner joy and the excited feeling. We were receiving God’s confirmation and blessing. One long weekend they were at our home for a weekend. The 2-hour flight was exhausting for Naomi who was four months pregnant. After we had lunch a short while later, she felt a little tired and decided to rest. As she was about to walk up a flight of stairs to enter the bedroom, something very strange and weird happened. I heard an audible voice that said, Deen will lose his baby. I was shocked and felt as though my heart was ripped out from my chest. God, what am I hearing. We serve you in all honesty, why should we go through this devastating suffering and trial? The fear of hearing this voice gave me a reason to draw closer to God and pray as I never did before. I was haunted by whose voice I heard. (premonition) The thought traumatized me so badly. I formed a prayer habit, crying out to God every day. I remember fasting. During the fast I started to break every generational and bloodline curse that was linked from both sides of the families, past and present generation. In Jesus’ name. If there were any unknown curse/s bound to the family tree, as I broke all the generational curses that was attached to them. It was five months later my son called me, to deliver the most shocking news ever. Mummy, the doctors couldn’t do anything, it was too late. The baby had no chance of surviving. The news I could never stomach. The doctor’s examination found the baby had no heartbeat. During that night I cried out to God pleaded for Him to do a miracle. God, I not going to believe the doctor’s report now, this cannot be true. Father this cannot be true, please do not deny this request. I believe you could do the impossible, why won’t you. If you gave Lazarus a second chance to life after four days when he was dead, I believe you can do it again, please God. I tried, calling out to God but my efforts were useless. My prayer was not answered our baby died two days before the consultation date from affixation in her mother’s womb. Baby Phillipa was due to be born in a week, she was a full-term baby, over 3.6 kg. The heaviness was too much to bear, viewing her tiny little body at the morgue, was only possible through death, and only death could do this, separate us. She was so “beautiful”, saying goodbye was not easy. My instinct was just to hold her in my arms and cuddle our little angel. It broke me to see her lifeless body. Slowing I reached out to hold her tiny little hand, I felt the heaviness in my heart and the pain was indescribable. The sting of death describes the devastation only death can leave behind a shattered and painful heart. I could never describe how bad it felt. I failed to understand why God wouldn’t want to give her life back. I was upset and angry with God. If I sinned, God should punish me, not our innocent precious baby. I sank into a deep depression due to the trauma. I never understood why God didn’t answer my prayer.

NOT ANOTHER BLOW While we were mourning the death of our baby that night, three burglars broke into our home and held us at knifepoint, as they robbed our home. The material loss did not trouble me more than losing my granddaughter who was worth more than any treasure. I sank into a deep depression after her death. I never expected to face a loss of life, how unfair is this our baby was snatched from our hands. When the old lady’s curse played tricks on my mind, I prayed to God to punish people who curse others, the innocent cannot be robbed through curses. After she cursed us, my son-in-law passed away two weeks later after we returned from India. Nine years later the same thing happened, our baby was gone. Why should good people suffer all the time? How should Christians react when they are cursed by others? Why should people use curses to get revenge? Do you think that it is jealousy or a cultural way of life? What does it mean to curse someone? The Bible warns us to be on guard because Satan is on the loose trying to destroy the families of God and this is his strategy to destroy the peace God awarded you and me.

PART 4 THE FALL I need to backtrack for a few years back. Our loved ones are responsible for destroying our marriages by the choices they accept. You know what the situation is when you live with a man who is only focused on himself and his selfish lifestyle and not on you. It gets complicated when you receive all the thrash, thrown at you, for their freedom. Pushing you away to live an untransformed life with alcoholic friends and family is the strategy the enemy uses to gain access to the minds of believers. Although he was married, he lived his life like a bachelor, that is what he wanted. Every weekend he was out with friends drinking till sunrise. What does it tell you when someone starts drinking alcohol early in the morning? An alcoholic is someone who needs alcohol to kick start the day, his body is so accustomed to alcohol that it cannot function normally without it. He was alcohol dependent. A blissful marriage was short-lived. The old habits never died. The man I married became an alcoholic. He consumed alcohol without any control or moderation, his newfound hobby became an addictive part of his daily life and he never stopped till the day he took his last breath. The overbearing behavior when anything goes wrong. I must comply with his demands. Assuming he buys a bottle of alcohol, I was told “It’s not any of your business if I drink”. Point noted. He always provoked and intimidated me when I asked him, “why do you want to indulge in alcohol habitually”. He crossed so many boundaries and I could not argue with him. I had to be silent. Who am I in the marriage? The attitude change he adopted was more the life of an unbeliever. He had no conscious or remorse for hurting me or for what he was doing in the name of Christ. He wasn’t an example to his family either. He was the only Christian of eight siblings in his family, the entire family were Hindus. He defiled the Christian religion accompanying the other intoxicated family members. The alcohol abuse was uncalled for because he made strange loud sounds in his sleep. It seems he fought with his demons when he slept. He made a bad decision that did not honor Christ and carried around bad spirits. My marriage was badly affected by his continuous consumption of this demonic substance as it kept us apart for more than ten years. I am a Christian Counselor and, a prayer intercessor. A grieving new believer in Christ requested prayer for her family. She believed her family was under a demonic attack, well according to her there was more than one demon in her home. It was her husband who was unfaithful. He fathered a child out of wedlock under the influence of alcohol. The invited demons were alcohol, adultery, and the ancestral gods in the family bloodline. The couple needed deliverance from these strongholds. The other problem was the intimate relationship the sister had with an incubus and succubus spirit. The lustful demonic spirits were also tormenting her, daily, and she couldn’t handle the intimacy. During the deliverance prayer, the demon spoke in an audible voice and mocked me during the deliverance prayer service. It said before it disappeared, “Look who is praying”. My confession: I was a strong prayer warrior when my husband’s secret sinful lifestyle was exposed by the devil, it reminded me of the sin and brokenness in my marriage. I was a strong prayer intercessor who was grieving my husband’s absence. My husband sat at the Lord’s table, partook of His holy emblem, and continued to live an unworthily double life, the next day. The bondage of the flesh. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 11:27, “Therefore, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of sinning against the body and blood of the Lord”. He could not be under the subjection of God’s Holy Spirit. The disobedient soul mate’s mind was set on earthly gain. The foolish choices we make to either live in selfishness and rebellion to dominate God’s people resulting in what happens can be harmful. Temptations are effective when we make a choice to resist this evil plan it overpowers your will power to take control. He was self-imposing some generational curses passing them from him into his children’s generation. My life as a believer. This destroyed my marriage because he had no control over his bad habits. The choice of alcohol over me was noticed. I had to leave my home because the verbal abuse I endured was unbearable. The words he quoted were “Everything is all about you”. “You like a man who goes and sleeps around”. What was poisoning his blood was over-indulging in his pleasures. I could not tell him how he should live his life. After three months of separation, he regretted his choice of unethical statements and his irrational behavior that wasn’t acceptable. He continued for nine years. I could not rationalize with him; his demands were from the dark side. As I tried my best to live as the bible commanded, to be submissive. All he had to do was transition to live a committed, instead, he had begun to play another game, accumulating skeletons in the closet. The believer whose choices were to satisfy his lustful demands began to play a lying game. At home, he fooled me. Well, I had no idea he was such a conniving human being, he had an exit plan. How do you unlove the person you were married to for thirty-nine years? All he wanted to do was to be intoxicated seven days a week, to deprive me of my life of him. I was grieving, his absence as a husband and he denied me my rights as his wife. I didn’t see the person I once fell in love with, he no longer wanted to be a part of the marriage contract. It seems an imposter has invaded his body and did a soul swap. It is a difficult situation to understand and accept. This was one of the most terrible storms I had to face as a believer in Christ. Sometimes I had to accept the truth that the man I fell in love with, didn’t truly love me. He replaced me and moved on while he was still married to me, and I didn’t know it. The truth is I had to accept it. The man will never communicate with me, he is not capable of showing love. I was holding onto someone who I lost a long time ago. I didn’t see it coming and I didn’t deserve it. It was a real challenge for me to put the difficult puzzles together, only after he passed away. All the evidence was in his bank card statements hidden from me on his computer. The activity on the dates was not consistent with the joint account we shared. The open conclusion pointed to infidelity in the marriage. This answered my suspicions. The personality changers, the arrogant attitude, the overpowering attitude. It was his way and no other way. The beginning of a narcissistic personality disorder became prevalent. He kept using this behavior all the time. It was one month before his death he wanted a separation; this was so shocking. When we got married he was twenty-three-years old, and in the year nineteen eighty, I was twenty-two. My question to him was why? What did I do wrong? “Did I cheat on you”? His Answer: No Tell me, did I do ever hurt you in any way? His Answer: No. I had no sexual experience. I wanted to enjoy my life, getting married too early was the worst mistake I made. Had I known what I know now I would never have got married. I should have waited. My Answer: Why all the regrets now. It was you who went ahead and planned the wedding all on your own. After thirty-nine years you have regrets. I married you because you fell in love with me, with his bent forward he never looked at me. I really didn’t fall in love with you. These were the most awkward words I wish didn’t hear. What does this mean? The most ridiculous excuse ever, pointing towards a one-sided love story. Marriage is not a one-sided love relationship. We were the same age; he was almost a year older than me. We have two children, a girl who he loves dearly and a son who is the split image of him, one fifteen-year-old and a three-year grandson. Our first granddaughter died in her mothers’ womb two days before her birth. He didn’t dare to tell me: “I’m not in love with you anymore”. I found someone else. All the pathetic excuses forty-one-years later. Must I learn to accept it. It would have made sense. These were the words that he was close to saying, he didn’t know how to. The conversation we had still haunts me today. The man just rejected me after we had known one-another for forty-one years. He kept on abandoning me with excuses he had a treasurer’s meeting with my pastor, (on a public holiday). I believed him for three years. He knew that was misleading me. Those words just ring in my ears four years after his death, I couldn’t shut off from all the nasty confrontations he made it a point. During this marriage see all my sacrifices, all my tears and my sleepless nights waiting for my husband to come back to me. The wasted time, the hurts and all the sorrows were moments I looked at, all the efforts were in vain. My failure to retrieve what I lost was in the quicksand. Forty years ago, something in me gave me a warning sign about his cruel intentions when I met first him. I saw the fruits of his evilness thirty-six years later manifesting in him, how can I prove this? I often spoke to him about his anger issues and the fighting spirit he possessed when he was under the influence, his answer when he was sober was, I’m sorry. He does the same thing again and again. He didn’t have repentance engraved in his heart. What does God say about difficult times? Nehemiah 8:10: Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength. Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Exodus 15:2 The Lord is my strength and my song; he has given me victory.

THE LAST MONTH HE WAS ALIVE It was a week earlier I went to the gastroenterologist for a procedure, called gastroscopy after suffering for sixteen months with severe stomach ulcers, and pain. He withdrew from my presence and shut himself from me. In all my years of being married to a controlling spouse he displays his anti-social behaviors. There was no compassion left in him anymore. He couldn’t love me; the man was a changed soul. When I met him, he pretended to be someone he wasn’t. My daily prayer was “God please remove this demon of alcohol that was destroying him”. The demon he picked up wanted us separated I could see it.

A MAN OF GOOD CHARACTER FALLS It was three weeks before his death. I was ministering on a Tuesday prayer meeting night a few weeks before his death. I need to pluck up a whole lot of courage to write about this painful event. My sermon was much thought out on “Ungodly Soul Ties”. I fasted and prayed about the topic. After the prayer meeting, I had no idea of all the people in the church my husband would be the one who was offended by the ministry. My husband created a scene and attacked me for ministering the anointed Word of God. After the service, we were on our way home, just three minutes before we reached home, he started the conversation with a question. Why did you minister a sermon like that? Excuse me! The Word of God corrects and convicted me first before it ministered to the church I said. Now, tell me, what gives you, the impression that I ministered from my intellect, and not the Word of God? The Word of God in the Bible is there to cleanse us sinners in His presence. When God decides we live our lives as children of the light we cannot live the Christian life under confusion. He intervenes and offers you an opportunity to repent. Why do good people suffer all the time? How should Christians react when they are cursed by others? Why should people use curses to get revenge? Do you think that it is jealousy or a cultural way of life? What does it mean to curse someone? The Bible warns us to be on guard because Satan is on the loose trying to destroy the families of God.

EIGHT HOURS BEFORE HE DIED The last day he was alive, I found myself struggling to keep the relationship alive. It was a horrible day, and it wasn’t a good memory to hold onto. Seven hours before his death, he drove me to the point of ending my life. He traumatized me for reasons I could never understand. One example, if he paid for a few items using his debit card in the supermarket it was my responsibility to receive the card from the cashier. Yet I am not directly dealing with the payment, while I am standing behind him. How is this my fault? He found little excuses to irritate me

THE DAY I LOST MY SOUL MATE The death of a spouse you loved sincerely can be a desolating experience. It is extremely depressing. It feels like you are watching a horror movie as your loved one dies in your presence. Witnessing the soul of your loved one departing from the body is a painful feeling you captured that remains in you for life. When the scene plays out in your presence you are helpless. The life-changing experience is overwhelming when you must deal with shock, pain, stress, and loss all at the same time. It is a difficult process to handle. We lived in a secure complex for thirty-one years. I never expected to lose my husband in a matter of ten minutes. The scene was horrific, and the experience left me shattered and devastated. When Jesus said, He would come like a thief in the night I know biblically what Jesus was trying to warn us about. Set your house in order, no man knows the hour or time the angel of death shall pass through. In the still of the night, everything was so peaceful, the neighborhood was silent. At twelve-thirty, the silence broke into screams for help. The distress message on the neighborhood group chat was alarming. The sound of live ammunition from my neighbour’s house echoed through the strong thick walls like the gunfire on a battlefield. The half-hour of drama claimed the lives of three adults in fifteen minutes. The 42 old neighbor, his son a seventeen-year-old, and a retired employee my husband who was sixty-one years old. I begged my husband not to step out of the bedroom door, but he did anyway. He opened the lounge door to go outside while the gunfire was continuing. He was desperate to assist them. My husband tried to assist my neighbor after hearing heavy gunfire in their home. When he opened the lounge door, I stood right next to him. He peeked at what was happening, two bullets missed me. He refused to move from the lounge doorway, and he was fatally shot and killed by one bullet to his chest. How do you understand the evil forces working against you? We had no control over what was taking place, but all I could do was to pray for his soul to God. He was in control of this critical hour. God took him home within six minutes he was gone. I burst into tears and my heart ached so badly I wanted to die. When the Bible speaks of the sting of death, and you experience that pain it’s a horrible feeling that just shatters you to pieces. After we returned home from the crematorium; I had a hot shower I curved my body in a foetal position and burst into tears as I lay on the bed. I thought of the day when I met my husband. It might sound weird the day I had a prophetic vision forty-one years ago. Why didn’t I understand the realistic vision I had would become my worst shock that would haunt me for the rest of my life? The prophetic vision that I can recall with clarity was seeing my husband lying in a casket. It was so clear like I was watching a movie on rewind. The man in the coffin appeared to be the young man I met before we were married. He wore a navy-blue suit. Memories make you go back in time to recall the event that I was in now. I never expected to experience that prophetic vision thirty-nine years later. As I felt my fingernails digging into my flesh, I didn’t see the tragic incident that caused him to be in that casket. I was just thinking about why I didn’t sense that this day was around the corner. The aggravated pain was agonizing. The psychological and emotional stress was the most dreaded nightmare I ever experienced. The root cause of chronic anxiety is fear. I had to bury the man I truly loved, my best friend, my trusted mentor, and my soulmate. The pain was extremely unbearable. I could not stop thinking about the way he died. Why didn’t God answer my prayer to save him during that incident? My anger was directed towards God, as I felt it was justified. Suffering from one disappointment after the other was piled up. The hidden anger, stress, and pain I could not deal with this anymore. I wanted to hide from reality because the frustrations weakened me.

SHATTERED DREAMS How do you handle your life when your dreams are shattered by tragedy? There comes a time in your life when you must process the death of your loved one. Although your feelings may seem to be out of control, you must learn how to cope when bad events happen so suddenly. It is important that you make healthy choices. Stressful events are difficult to deal with, but when they do affect your health, you need to pay very careful attention. It’s your body’s way of trying to warn you of stressful thoughts. I became so angry and disappointed with God for taking the man I loved away that I felt my faith in Him was a waste of precious time. Everything bad was only happening to me in my life. It caused a lot of bitterness. The feeling of loss is not a good one. I searched for answers to all my questions I felt so deeply hurt and burdened. How do I navigate alone in this journey of life? I could not develop my spiritual life my health was declining rapidly. I drifted away from family and friends and isolated myself in a rabbit hole. The vibrant life I once lived became dead and dull. Life had no meaning for me anymore. As for God, I stopped going to church. The moment I entered the church I suffered from an anxiety attack. I was drifting further away from His presence in anger and rebellion. I didn’t want to see His face. The same relationship was hard for me to digest and hold onto God when He seemed to be a million miles away. The unending pain and suffering felt like a dagger was plunged into my stomach. Every passing thought was more difficult to hold onto. Looking, at his suits, and shirts opened the floodgate to tears, and more tears. One day I was browsing through the computer. I was looking at some old photos that I found stored under his file which shattered my life even more. He had photos of another woman saved on the computer. Bank statements of all his activities for the last three years he retired he spent with another man’s wife. He chose to fall away from the righteous path and started an Illicit affair with another woman three or four years before he passed away. If someone is conscious of having sinned immorally before taking Holy Communion, it is morally wrong not to confess and examine oneself. It dishonors and angers God. If one lives a life of sin and refuses to see their flaws as sinful in the eyes of God. The individual most certainly will face the wrath of God. Unconfessed sins are the breathing ground for unrighteousness and disobedience. According to the sinner’s knowledge, it is an accepted behavior.

WHY DID GOD TAKE HIM HOME I read an article on why God does not answer prayer. He saw my tears and He felt my pain. If he was alive, I would have been in a worse situation, grieving my loss while he lived with his other soul mate. He protected me from narcists. He would have continued to traumatize and emotionally abuse me as he always did. Dishonesty in the marriage is a game, only the evil-minded spouse may play to mislead the other partner on the wrong path of hope. This is a dirty trick only a coward will use to fool the one who trusts him/her blindly. One partner may do anything to avoid a confrontation to cover his/her tracks to make believe there is some love to hold onto. It is an old lie when there is nothing to hold onto. This it’s not a game to play in a marriage. The results are clear it leads to deep hurt causing some distance between the couple. The hurting spouse in the relationship suffers disappointment and negative feelings. The suicidal thoughts will never vanish. This pain can gradually create some resentment in one spouse to break the trust in the other. When marriages fall from God’s grace good communications were broken. Too many couples respond to their partner without fully understanding what they are trying to say, in the process the other partner is misunderstood. Deliberately destroying your marriage without reason is self-imposed curse. THE END