This testimony brings me to tears because nothing can describe what my Father, my everything, my first love, and best friend has done for me.
He showed me immense mercy and grace, stayed with me, and transformed my life completely.
Before knowing Him, I lived in darkness, enduring the hardest times that no one should go thru . My life was falling apart as I got older, I became a promiscuous and adulterous teen, enslaved by sin. From ages 8 to 18, was addicted to gay pornography, stemming from being touched inappropriately at age 4 when I first moved to Arizona from New York. I had battled with suicidal thoughts and tendencies along with struggling with my sexuality from ages 13 to 18. Ended up having broken relationships with guys who only liked my body and easily took advantage of me because I was naive and searching for love in the wrong places, doing things I shouldn’t have. Although I attended church when I was younger, I never knew God for myself. Despite my family’s deep Christian faith and my Dad being a deacon, I however lived in darkness, especially due to my addiction to pornography and sexual perversion that came with it . This addiction lasted for ten years and led me to like both boys and girls during my teen years . During middle school, I struggled with suicidal thoughts as well as tried to end my own life, so i was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 13 during the summer before 8th grade so I was over life due to numerous challenges and ended up in a behavioral hospital. Things worsened from there beginning of high school , despite being spoiled and involved in extracurricular activities. I still craved attention from different guys and girls, engaging in seductive conversations to fill a void from past trauma because I longed for love and marriage but didn’t realize it was lust, not love so i just ended doing what I wanted to do which was sending nude pictures to keep people happy and dressed provocatively to get attention. My need to feel loved led me into first long term relationship which ended up being a abusive relationship at just 17 thru 18 years old lasted for a year and eight months. This relationship was a very pivotal moment in my life where I came to realize words without change is emotional manipulation and that I deserve better so due to my ex’s infidelity as well as abusive/ manipulative behaviors His infidelity was a gateway to leave even though as he was a narcissist who threatened me or to harm himself whenever I wanted to get out because when it comes down to it wasn’t easy to leave especially when they could potentially harm you or themselves . After this ended , I still continued sending nudes to various people not caring if they were single or not as well in order to find someone who was interested in me . I mistakenly thought I was healing, but it only made things worse. My wake-up call from God came when a girl who was a minor I thought was a friend, and whom I had a little crush on, took over my Instagram account for not being with her cousin and leaked my nudes to the internet and people i knew as “revenge porn” as it’s called towards me. This almost got the police involved, and not being able to focus in school because i was in distress and had reoccurring anxiety which led to my poor grades and expulsion from medical school due to grades. During this time, I was still using dating apps like Tinder, Wizz, and Hinge. So In spring 2023, I decided to pursue a real relationship with God. I had been out of college for months due to academic probation and was tired of living for the world. Heartbroken and lost, all I wanted was to be loved and eventually marry and have a family of my own . That day changed my life for the better as I decided to devote myself to the Lord. I cut out secular music, distanced myself from people who didn’t benefit my walk with Him, and stopped cussing completely. I started studying the Bible daily, joined Bible study groups, listened to sermons, and ultimately gave my life to Christ and surrendered to Him in May 2023. Now, nearly a year later I am incredibly grateful to God for bringing me out of darkness. This year, I’ve been living for the Father, knowing soon I will mark a whole year of being saved, devoting myself daily to the Lord, serving Him, and helping others in their walk with Christ. Despite the temptations and shortcomings, I am thankful for the strength God gives me to continue this journey. At 20 I am still walking with God thanking Him for me seeing another day knowing I am forgiven, set free, delivered, and healed from past emotional wounds, and addiction to pornography, promiscuity, and naivety. God is teaching me to continue to love Him, serve others, set boundaries , and I am healed from pride, control, negative thoughts, lust, anxiety, depression, rejection, doubt, fear, and anger. I have forgiven myself and my ex which was the hardest thing I ever had to do especially after the constant abuse mentally and emotionally for almost 2 yrs he had bestowed upon me, but I’m grateful for the Holy Spirit’s healing power which was working in me as I was doing that . I cry tears of gratitude at times because God has delivered me from so much bondage and helped me survive seven years of suicidal attempts . He has taught me self-control with lust and not to regret my past because everything happens for a reason. I pray that the Holy Spirit touches your heart as you read this, letting others know that Christ can heal their issues if they fully surrender to Him. There is hope in Christ; His mercy and grace are new daily. Remember, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and God can deliver you and make you whole again.
Shared by Nadjy
June 2024