Dear Mom,
When I was 14 years old, I experienced my first lifeline by giving my life to Jesus. The moment of arising from the water seeing you clapping and smiling, with joy and appreciation in your eyes is a face I will never forget. You are a beautiful, young, spirited women who glorifies God in everything you do. You never fail to show up and show out when called to do so. Mom, you have always been by my side, but in this moment, it felt like you were truly proud of me for taking ground in my faith and shining my light. Only for you to know I am reflecting the light you shine on me. Mom, you are and always will be my role model. I willingly follow your footsteps on making the most out of my days every day. I have a smile on my face even when things become hard. One night, it felt extra dark with cold tears dripping down my cheeks over the painful weight of anxiety brought to me at such a youthful age. Rolled up in blankets of warmth on my bed questioning the whys of life, I saw a light full of stillness and compassion with the decision to renew my soul. Oddly, I always felt pressure to get baptized at the age of twelve just because that is when my mom did. I was always in competition with myself, ending up with the loss of who I was because I seeked joy in life by comparing anyone and anything. Yes, every teenager goes through comparing themselves to others but at that age I did more. I compared myself in ways that would not only bring me down but would bring me up. Name something and I could have found a way to make me better than whatever that said thing was. The consequences of that however were severe. Dangerous. My mind told me to do things in ways I would not be here today. That night in my room was one of those moments; one of those thoughts. I saw an everlasting solution, however. I did not even attempt to compose myself when I ran into your room calmly stating, “I want to get baptized.” That thought surfaced in my head from the moment I shut my eyes to the moment they opened. Same determination and courage to say yes to Jesus. You and I talked about the Lord all the time. I understood the meaning and the religion and wanted to take part in it ever since I was young. I wanted to be ready though and when I turned twelve just as you did once…I was not ready. That next morning, we looked up my church’s next baptized scheduling and immediately signed my name. I waited for that day. I felt like I would be new if I could just be dunked under water by some man I had never met. As that day rolled around and I arrived at Rock Point church I felt sick. I felt so sick. Nervous? Nervous for what? When I got my baptized shirt, we were given a speech on what the decision we were about to make truly means. Once we got in line however, and you moved slowly and slowly farther from me, my stomach dropped. The same cold tears began to fill up in my eyes and I felt unready. A calm voice rang in my head that I would be all right and when I go down with sight of you, I will be brought forward with an even brighter sight of you. I quickly reassembled myself by the time it was my turn. Once I got in the quite freezing waist height water, the man I did not know asked me questions. Questions about my faith, statements about how much I am loved and a warning that I will still sin and will still feel the absence of God even awaking from this water. I just nodded my head because I felt insanely uncomfortable knowing I was being filmed and on a live video for the people in the worship room. After being told where to place my hands he immerged me underwater. Coming up felt fresh and clean. A clean slate. A new beginning, with a big step in faith and a positive mindset for all to come. I remember giving you a hug. A hug I will forever cherish and never forget. This is why you are who I experienced my first lifeline with. Mom, you watched me transform and were the only one to see me on all my days. Good or bad, you chose to be my mom and stay right by my side for the rest of my life. Mom, you have only loved, cared for, and thought of me in times I did not even have faith in myself. You lift me up and inspire me to be the best version of myself all day every day. With love, Your daughter
Shared by Keira
May 2024
